Today is 25th July, Pan Sir’s birthday !!!
Here I am writing the reasons of my year back:-
Year 2005: Our family had shifted to Patna and within a week I joined “Patna Yoga Vidyalaya”. I had dropped a year and was preparing for IIT-JEE. At the Anand sir’s institute I was in top ten in the very first test. So, I thought IIT-JEE is not too tough. Sidewise my interest in Yoga was growing gradually. I started working for increase in height and to achieve perfection in yoga. I left non-veg. One day by gathering all my courage I told my parents that I want to join Munger VishwaVidyalaya as I am much more interested in Yoga than Engineering. Plea rejected but nothing changed in my routine. Unfortunately I fell ill with skin diseases which lasted for 4 months. Everything shattered. Very soon I understood that now it’s do or die situation if I want to crack IIT-JEE. I gird up my loins and started studying crazily but that was not enough.
Dropped another year and went to Kota. Started yoga from the very second day in Kota but again, within a fortnight I realized that I am in Bansal Class i.e. no time for extra- activities. First two test results-ranks 18 and 240 shifted me from X-9 to X-2 which consists mostly of students who were repeating in Bansal or were ex-students of Resonance. Tough batch. I left dream of H and excellence in yoga for the rest of days in Kota.
Came to college, had read in its prospectus that it has Yoga Centre. So, came outside of hostel on second morning undaunted of ragging, searched it, met with yoga teacher and very soon understood that Yoga Centre is for sake of name only and teacher is incapable of helping me. I wanted to practice regularly but late ni8 calls for ragging, yelling of batch mates, procrastination etc. didn’t let me woke up early. Hostel environment really wants extreme determination to wake up at 4-4:30am every day. I lack it somewhat. So, all my attempts failed. Every time I thought I will retry with more dedication. I did it too but nothing worked out. Meanwhile destiny had something different in its womb for me- I got spects. I had not expected this. Now I had to remove spect and increase my height. First year passed.
I decided to do yoga rigorously in summer vacation but I was caught in rat race. I and Piyush went to IIT-KGP for attending computer networking course. Seeing that I am unable to do yoga there I decided to quit thinking that this will only cost Rs 7000 but if I will get H and S then I will be free to rock for remaining part of my life. But another gift from destiny was waiting. I had to go Sankar Netralaya, Chennai for my grandmother’s eye operation. Vacation finished. College started with me practicing yoga full-fledged but I was missing a coach. I searched for him-talked with ISM’s yoga teacher, saw a number of videos, read a number of articles, went to Dhanbad and Patna yoga centre but failed.
Got irritated I decided to go to Kankhal, Haridwar without informing anybody except Sumit-my room mate. Unfortunately there was nobody capable of helping me. An old man wearing spect was teaching yoga there. I was shocked, came to Patna and asked my parents to allow me to take year back considering that now I have to sacrifice my own career. I could not summon enough courage to say that I want time for H and S. Parents denied as my points were baseless. So, I re-concentrated in studies but within 2.5 months I realized that I am doing nothing. Nothing was coming from my heart. I was feeling a chasm in my heart. My mid sem result fuelled this. Side by side my interest in a girl was increasing day by day. She was unfortunately two inches more!!
I decided not to do training in winter thinking that if I will get H and E then I will be having lots of time to come back and rock. I started rigorously but again absence of guidance was there. I was taking decisions by my own- was experimenting everything-most of time I was wrong which I know now. After 20 days my interest started decaying. Soon I met with an accident, got my leg injured, had to hang up everything.
Entered 4th sem with injured leg, mid sem exam went good but again the inside fire broke out. I thought that now it will be a compromise with life and dreams. I was not walking by my own it’s the crowd which was pushing me. I wanted to remove my spect so that I could work in regaining lost eye sight of my grandmom, so that I could work in making my parents gain sound health. Father was suffering from uric acid disease and mother from gas problems. I knew from my core of the heart that all these can be cured by yoga but I was unable to suggest anybody to practice yoga. How can a guy wearing spect himself can say that yoga can do this, this and this? I also wanted to see piyush regaining hair, bua getting rid of BP, sugar etc and to establish a yoga revolution in my family, college and then spreading it to the most I can. This was/is my dream. I didn’t want to compromise with my dreams. I knew I can come back in studies after year back. At max it would be going to cost me low starting package job. I thought that if things will go in my way then nothing could stop me in getting whatever I want. I had deep faith in yoga.
Meanwhile I also wanted to be a good electrical engineer. I didn’t want to study 3rd yr the same half-hearted way as I studied 1st and 2nd year. I wanted 3 hrs each day for at least 4 months but certainly I couldn’t arrange this with semester’s going on. So I decided to take year back.
I got one year. I planned everything, did all which I could, and tried all my knowledge but everything was going in vain. So decided to go Haridwar again but (this time in ashram) keeping in mind that I may not come back but again there was nobody who could really help me. It was very much like a business place. So, came back to Patna within two days. My parents took a deep sigh of relief.
I kept experimenting and did everything possible. I wish I would have a mentor at that time. Soon, year passed. I was nowhere. Friends started considering me as a psycho. I was depressed but now it was time to move on. Faith was broken, heart was lost, didn’t take part in Sparx-10 or any activity of ISM, bought a book- “vigyan ki kasauti par yoga”, wrote letters to many people who had successful experience with yoga, talked with many of them, searched google and called all yoga centres of patna to find a single person who had successfully removed spects. Fortunately I got one in Dhanbad itself, met with him, realized that the absence of a guidance was the only reason as I knew everything but somewhat implemented them wrongly.
Even today I believe that I can remove my spects but the mere thought of retrying it in ISM makes me frightened. Let’s see what destiny has decided for me. I kept post ponding everything for the sake of yoga and it left me nowhere. I must mention that during year back once I went out in search of a psychiatrist to check whether I am mentally fit or not!!!
Now I just want to get a good job and hoping that I will get some time in future when I can retry to remove S and kick off realizing my dream come true.